Friends??

Do you ever see people and wonder how they have friends, the way they talk about people behind their back and then turn around and be best friends with them the very next moment?  I have started seeing it all too often.  I see the ladies in my neighborhood and wonder if I am missing some quality that would make me "friend material" and then I look at who the people are and then think... are all people that way or is it just a few people?  I want friends, I want to have positive people in my life that like me for me, but at what cost?  At what point do you let your guard down and actually accept that people are the way that they are and that being friends with someone will include being talked bad about behind your back.  What has spawned this feeling is when I was walking from my car earlier I overheard someone talking crap about me like I have done something to them, I basically stick to myself in this neighborhood because I know that these people will take what they can get from you and then run all over you when they get the chance,  I guess the fact that I say that doesnt make me any better than the rest of the people out there, but I am just not sure what else to say to make me feel comfortable being a face in the midst of a thousand other anonymous faces.  I would like to stand out in a crowd, to be more than the "oh what's her name" would be amazing to me but either I have put up a wall or two too high for anyone to want to breach or... I am not as pleasant and charming as I think I am.  Until I became a military wife, I was so self assured as to who I am and what my place is in the world, when I moved clear across the US leaving my friends and family (except Steven) I seem to have lost my former glory, being burned by so called friends and that general feeling of why was I not invited?  why are these people saying "I miss hanging out with you but I wont call and make you a priority to actually hang out with"  I guess it is just my insecurities and I know I have a couple AMAZING friends (and you know who you are) I am very thankful for the few that I can count on to be there for me as they know I am there for them.  I guess life is funny that way, when you have something great it is either sell yourself to find more people unlike yourself to fit in with OR you stick with the hand full of people that you can truly be yourself around and pray to God they accept the true you.  Well, that's my thought for the evening.  Sorry about being a little morose, I guess I have been a little cut off from the world lately and needed a little vent.

OH by the way I didnt go over this and spell check or make sure everything I have to say is totally understandable so if you have questions then just ask :)  not really concerned at this moment with the whole being understood, I am just thinking tonight and wanting to go to bed.  NIGHTY NIGHT ALL!!