So... I kind of gave up on the p90x for a couple of months.... first I got sick and then life happened and I just keep on finding new things and new excuses. I know they are excuses and I know I should be better, I should be a go getter. I should just be up and at it right now even though it is after midnight and I have a little energy to spare. ALTHOUGH I have lost weight, I have been watching what I eat I have TRIED to cut out as many drinks that isnt water as possible and have been more active with my little ladies. So I guess I am not doing exactly what I set out to do and I am going to get back on it, I just wanted to express why I put a pause on it. I was going to delete days 1 though 9 and then just totally redo it, but then I remembered I should show what speed bumps come up and then just restart while remembering what I am doing and why I am doing it. I really need to come up with 90 days of reasons to get off the couch and do what I promised myself I would do. Who knows, maybe I can start with the 90 days of reasons and turn it into a lifetime of reasons.
Part two of this is more of a venting session so if you are interested then go ahead and read on but if not... no harm done, I just need to think some things through and maybe someone can relate and/or give me advice.
Lately I have been thinking about the weight of some friendships on myself personally, I have been thinking about what the basis of a true friendship is and at what point to say no more... I have a friend whom I know will be there for me no matter what, but if I feel that friendship is fraught with questions of the persons motives and if they truly are my friend or just like to have me around because I encourage them... what is the basis of our friendship? I know people become friends and stay great friends for a lifetime, and I feel as if I have a friend or two that I can honestly say you are my friend for life but at what point do you question the motives of the other person, do you ever wonder if they talk about you badly behind your back? Case in point... I had a recent disagreement with a friend and I asked her a personal question about what was going on and she shows someone else the text and they continue to talk about me like I am a monster for even questioning something the way I do because I am generally a concerned, caring person who knows about a ton of different stuff and try to help any way I can. Well, the question was truthful and to find out that they talked about me like I was being heartless just asking a question makes me question what kind of friend that person is in the first place? Do they just have me around to make themselves feel better? Do they think about me in a positive way or negative way? Do they think my life is better or worse or even their own life is better or worse for having me in it? I am confident in who I am and where I am, I know what I want from life, I know the type of friends I want to have and having the confidence and understanding to vocalize it is also important. I am not one who can just call someone for a favor unless I have something else to talk about usually, I dont like calling for favors and I rarely ever use the fact that I am friends with someone as an excuse to pull strings to get what I want (I guess that accounts for why I still dont have a job). For now, I will be praying for that right friend to come into my life... I have my absolute best friend, but I need some great girl friends in my life to uplift each others lives not weigh each other down, and jealous people need not apply, I have no time or space in my life for someone who thinks that just because I havent talked to them in a day or two that I am mad at them or starts stalking me... not an ideal situation because then I feel as if I should call every day out of obligation and not out of want to be active in your life. Just like if you call, I will talk to you even if the conversation is lacking because I have a ton more on my mind that I cant vocalize... nothing personal just my way of working shit out. Seriously... since I have been a military wife I have met some of the best people, but conversely some of the move unstable people of my life and for once I would like a little normalcy when it comes to the friends in my life, Part of me thinks the military attracts the crazy people and then the genuine people are just a little harder to find because the crazies are just so damn active. OK so now for some serious thought and prayer on the topic of friends. DEAR JESUS PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE help me find a friend that is not crazy, quarky yes but crazy NO... someone who has a love for their husband, but doesnt lose their since of identity in their husband. Who's husband will walk over hot coals in order to be with their wife and who will protect her and be her source of strength and not a source of bitterness. I know I have a few of these friends that are far away, and I know I will be able to be with those friends again some day soon but I would like a friend who is present in the here and now, not to replace those friends because no one could replace my handful of friends that have a heart like mine, but to embellish on the friendships I have now. Thank You GOD for everything and Thank you for having heard my prayer.
I started writing a whole different thing but deleted it because the tangent was too much for one blog post and well... I am not letting my ADHD control this blog (all the time) but I did want to share something that I wrote in there before I deleted it.
"I wish I had a niche, where my words and thoughts just fit into one category and my brain would be accepted by the masses."
THOUGHTS?? I am always looking for input and
